It's good to see maturity is at an all-time high

Last night a drunk Loser's Row came home around midnight and spent a good 15 minutes yelling the stats of players back and forth with The Misers from their respective rooms.

This did not please Cardiff Giant, already sequestered in his room for the evening.

Loser's Row found this display uproariously funny.

Is there any surprise he has players like John Salmons on his team?

From the Sacramento Bee (I would link to the article but it's behind a stupid subscriber sign-up wall):

Ron Artest returned for the Kings on Wednesday, forcing John Salmons to come off the bench. If his post-game tantrum (leaving the locker room early, storming past reporters and pacing the hallway in frustration) is any indication, he's not happy with the demotion.

Yo Cardeef!

You might want to come home soon.

Last night while watching Chris Paul almost drop a triple-dip, TheMisers got an unfortunate, and uncontrollable, raging boner.

He was able to relieve himself by watching Wally World limp around in the Seattle game, but not before a little leaked out on your pillow.

In conclusion, Mike Dunleavy is now on TheMisers.

The door swings open, the door swings shut

I knew that opening up the 12th spot on my roster was going to be problematic. And by problematic I mean glorious.

Why?

1) It allows me to deepen my research to an entirely new class of players. A class of players that suck.

2) It gives me something else to do while I loathe my job.

3) It means that players like Kyle Lowry spend less than 24 hours on Never Won's team!

This morning, in a fit of genius, I checked out John Salmons as a potential player for the squad. Here's what I figured -- Bibby is down and Salmons was decent last year as a starter.

How did I know? The beauty of Split Stats.

Best Team Ever taught me this technique last year and it's one I've used recently when analyzing players (I use the term "analyze" loosely. It's more like drink 8 Bud Lights, fire up Yahoo! fantasy, and stare at the screen. Whichever players I focus on most clearly tend to end up on my team.)

Excitedly, I emailed Best Team Ever to discuss my new player.

Tangent -- you know that song from the Lion King "Circle of Life?" Turns out there's a circle of fantasy basketball. What I mean is that for whatever reason, there are a few players who you either target, draft, or pick-up year after year. They are completely unavoidable even as you curse their presence on your roster (this was the main reason Never Won maintains a "Banned List" for his team -- Slomile, I'm looking at you.)

Turns out that Salmons may be entering that circle. Here's an email I sent BTE late last season:

Never Won: I just made some moves…I suggest you do the same and pick up Salmons. Your Split Stats "As Starter" is a revelation.

We also discussed this morning how Salmons was critical to BTE's championship run last season. And this had nothing to do with BTE's annoying habit of using the last 5 spots of his roster as an open rotation during the playoffs.

It was the last game of Sunday night in the semi-final round of the playoffs. BTE was locked in a fierce battle with Cardiff Giant and the entire week hung on 3pt %.

See if you can figure out where the week turned (keep in mind this is the 4th quarter of the last game of the week):

:13.9 SAC - J. Salmons missed a 26-foot three-pointer from the top of the arc
:12.6 SAC - Offensive rebound
:08.8 SAC - J. Salmons missed a 26-foot three-pointer from the right wing

And of course, to top this all off, the entire reason I made the pickup was, as discussed, Salmons' stats as a starter.

Ummm...except he's not starting.