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This one's for you, Misers. I anxiously await our week 6 match-up.

SHEED

Another one of those things that just makes me smile

12/5 The Misers (Add/Drops) changed from 'unlock' to 'lock'

It's good to see maturity is at an all-time high

Last night a drunk Loser's Row came home around midnight and spent a good 15 minutes yelling the stats of players back and forth with The Misers from their respective rooms.

This did not please Cardiff Giant, already sequestered in his room for the evening.

Loser's Row found this display uproariously funny.

Is there any surprise he has players like John Salmons on his team?

From the Sacramento Bee (I would link to the article but it's behind a stupid subscriber sign-up wall):

Ron Artest returned for the Kings on Wednesday, forcing John Salmons to come off the bench. If his post-game tantrum (leaving the locker room early, storming past reporters and pacing the hallway in frustration) is any indication, he's not happy with the demotion.

Oh I'm sorry, I thought I was talking to a person

Just in case anyone was actually using The Misers Power Rankings as anything other than high comedy, allow me to breakdown the accuracy of his evaluations over the past three weeks. Not exactly sure what he means by "things are finally starting to settle down", but he can't possibly mean that he's starting to get a grasp on what the hell is going on in this league.

The Miser has altered his own team an average of 7.5 slots in each of the first two weeks (and his team name twice). He has changed Cardeef's (that's me) rank an average of 8.5 spots per week. And in total, has shifted team ranks an average of over FOUR spots every week, out of a possible eleven. Such clusterfuckery certainly does not fit my definition of "settling down", but remember that this is coming from the same man that made a point of telling me that he "really liked" my team Sunday night, only to rank them 9th come Monday morning. The same kid that could have a four hour argument with himself without realizing that he's not winning.

But if nothing else, at least we can credit him for going 5 and 1 in his predications, and not letting his own power rankingsgo to his head. Although someone should tell him that changing his team name back to The Misers does not mean his team is any less insignificant in the auction era.

Basically, I just wanted to say, keep up the good work.

Questions of questions

As we prepare to make our partial league trip to the Izod Center to watch the Nets get crushed by yet another annoying and cocky Boston sports franschise, several questions swirl around inside my head:

- how many players can I pick up off the waiver wire that I will loath within the following 48 hours?

- when, oh god, will Chris Kaman's agreement with Satan expire?

- can I get The Flux to trade him to me in exchange for Plaxico Burress?

- is it weird that, as I type these words, Never Won is standing behind me pretending to hump my door in his boxers?

- why is my team so good and yours so bad?

Also, The Miser is wasted--WASTED!--and we haven't even left for the game yet. Thought the Weasel would enjoy that tidbit.

Back to Bacon

Here's a fun variation on the old classic. How many moves does it take The Misers to get from:

Wally Szczerbiak, Delonte West, Anthony Parker, Luke Ridnour

to

Wally Sczcerbiak, Kyle Lowry, Udonis Haslem, Mike Dunleavy

If you guessed THREE you were wrong. It actually took EIGHT.

Must be nice to make so much money.

How Not to Blog

I am the king of not blogging.

This may seem oxymoronic (or just moronic) considering I started this blog and also write for another one – The Flux has a love/hate relationship with DroppingDimes.com – but it is 100 percent true. I like the idea of blogging. I often come up with ideas to write about. I help others with their blog posts. I have even made notes for a post on more than one occasion this week but for whatever reason, I don’t finish the post. This drives Never Won crazy to no end. Perhaps this is why I never post…

But as bad as I am by not blogging, there are others who are far worse because they do blog. Prime Example A is Orlando Sentinel reporter and Orlando Magic “blogger” – I use that term more loosely than Moop’s prick uses a Magnum condom – Brian Schmitz. You see, Schmitz has a "Magic Basketblog" that I used yesterday because it contained information on my PG Jameer Nelson. I was debating starting Nelson or Monta Ellis, who Don Nelson in his infinite senile wisdom decided to deem him the backup PG that day. That should last about as long as the 12th man on The Misers roster.



Anywho, this is what Schmitz wrote at 12:59 p.m.:

"Point guard Jameer Nelson will play, although his mouth is still sore after taking an elbow to the face from Bo Outlaw that knocked him a little silly."

Since this was the first mention of this incident on the entire internet, I figured it wasn't a big deal -- especially since he clearly states Jameeracle will play. As a result, after not seeing any new info by 6pm, I made my decision to go with the starter in Nelson and reserve Ellis for the evening and promptly went to dinner.

Upon arriving home fully satitated and partially intoxicated, I fired up StatTracker per the norm. To my surprise and quickly escalating hate, I was rudely greeted with the word "Bench" next to Nelson's name, which as most fantasy basketball players know is roughly equivolent to getting ass-raped by a baseball bat -- sideways. So not only was I forced to stare at Nelson's name on my starting roster, but I then couldn't fully enjoy watching Monta Ellis explode for 22 points (3-4 3PT), 6 boards, 3 steals and 2 blocks as he wallowed away on my bench. Now couple this with my opponent MAMA LOOCH suffering through what was easily the worst night of the season and begin to feel my frustration. (LOOCH, you should blog about Bosh, Okafor and Bargnani combining for 6 points, 12 rebounds, 1 block and 5 TOs.)

Not knowing how Nelson couldn't have played after reading Schmitz's blog, I checked it again looking for a late breaking update I might have missed between 6 and 6:55pm -- the last time I could make a substitution to my lineup in time for the 7pm game. This is what I saw:

"Magic point guard Jameer Nelson is suffering from concussion-like symptoms and will be held out of tonight's game against the Minnesota Timberwolves as a precaution. Nelson was inadvertently hit in the jaw by teammate Bo Outlaw in Monday's practice and woke up Tuesday with a slight headache. General Manager Otis Smith said the team made the game-time decision because Nelson had sustained a concussion 13 months ago in training camp in Jacksonville, colliding with teammate Dwight Howard in a scrimmage."

Post time: 7:11 pm.

Thanks for blogging, Schmuck, er, Schmitz. You're a real pro.

The Call Is Coming From Inside The House

Now by this point we are all well aware of the fact that The Miser is a total psycho. However, we must all admit that the vast majority of his episodes are psycho cliches, such as smashing his own head through a window or putting razor blades in the Halloween candy*. But every once in a while he'll grace you with a dash of unique psychosis and give you a fresh new set of holy-shit-this-guy-is-batshit-insane. Like when you get up in the middle of the night and find him sitting alone in the dark, in his suit, watching NBATV.

Help.

*SIDENOTE: This actually did happen. Whilst looking through the Duane Reade bag of Halloween candy that The Miser had bought, I found a package of Gillette Fusion Razor Blades in the bag. What a serial killer.

THE MISERS POWER RANKINGS (WEEK 2)

Well I suck. That's not a surprise. But certainly the fact that four teams dropped out of my top six in the previous week's Power Rankings is. I also went 3-3 in my predications of this past week’s winners, which just goes to show you that I’m a terrible prognosticator who can’t (not hasn’t) adjust to the AUCTION ERA!!!!!

Without further ado, here are the Power Rankings after Week 1 as well as my predictions for the Week 2 winners.

Power Rankings:

1. The Flux
2. Cardiff Giant
3. mikey's roofies
4. Moop Resurrected
5. Mighty Mullets
6. TheBurningSensation
7. Blue Balls
8. MAMA LOOCH
9. Best Team Ever
10. Loser's ROW
11. AUCTION ERA
12. Yom Kippur at Joel's

Week 2 Winners:

AUCTION ERA vs. Mighty Mullets (Mighty Mullets)
mikey's roofies vs. TheBurningSensation (mikey’s roofies)
Best Team Ever vs. MAMA LOOCH (MAMA LOOCH)*
Loser's ROW vs. The Flux (The Flux)
Moop Resurrected vs. Yom Kippur at Joel’s (Moop Resurrected)
Cardiff Giant vs. Blue Balls (Cardiff Giant)

* Keep an eye on this week’s most entertaining matchup.

Does anyone have a Band-Aid for this enormous fucking boo-boo?

Few things in this short life permit a moment of absolute happiness. Not partial joy or glee, but rather a totally objective sense of elation. Discovering a lootcake of hundred-dollar bills sitting on the sidewalk? Maybe. Anonymous sex with a ridiculously hot and naughty chick? Perhaps. Watching The Misers weep about an 8-1 loss to The Flux? Well, that, my friends, is absolute fucking happiness.

Wager of the Night

As is tradition in Mr. League, nothing is settled without raised voices, politically incorrect insults and a burning desire to rip out the other person's eyes and skull-fuck their head. So instead we often resort to bets to resolve our disputes. The anger instantly dissolves and is quickly replaced by all-knowing goofy grins and the inner-Jew greed, not for the idea of more money coming my way mind you, but as a vehicle for proving my fantasy basketball knowledge is superior to all others. Cause that's what life is all about, bro.

This morning, Never Won made a bold and incorrect proclamation (as is his norm) that he had the best lineup going tonight. Knowing I too had a fully, I instantly disagreed. Sniffing a chance to prove my superiority, I used the one word that guaranteed a bet would be forthcoming. See if you can spot the word. Here is the conversation and resulting wager:

Never Won: just look at my lineup tonight
best lineup going

BTE: aren't you proud?
way to jinx it
I would argue mine is stronger

Never Won: lemme check

BTE: but i see it's your top 8
i'm not sure if this is my top 8 or not
but i am so better

Never Won: 0 chance your 8 tonight is better than my 8

BTE: should we bet on it?
i will win 5 or more cats
i don't even remember who you have tonight and it doesn't matter
let's bet
pussy

Never Won: tonight?
i'm down
20 bucks
blog it

With the bet in place, it was time to spew more smack talk:

Never Won: YAAAA
you are so fucked

BTE: your overconfidence amuses me
you have no chance

Never Won: YOU HAVE NO SHOT
HAVE YOU SEEN MY LINEUP
i might get 100 rebounds tonight
new record

BTE: not a new record
my team isn't a slouch when it comes to rebounds. i do have the best rebounder in the league

Never Won: i have the best rebounder in the league!
i feel another bet coming on!

BTE: sorry bro
KG has proved it year after year
Chandler was second last year -- and you didn't even know it

Never Won: TRUE THAT BRO!
i knew the other top 5

BTE: if a guy so much as sneezes on my team, i know it


Pumpkin Head didn't even realize his player was top 5 in rebounding when asked by The Misers the other night...

The lineups:

Never Won:

PG Raymond Felton
SG Manu Ginobili
G Stephon Marbury
SF Josh Smith
PF David Lee
F Paul Pierce
C Amare Stoudemire
C Tyson Chandler

Best Team Ever:

PG Joe Johnson
SG Monta Ellis
G Leandro Barbosa
SF Andre Iguodala
PF Kevin Garnett
F Ike Diogu
C Andris Biedrins
C LaMarcus Aldridge

Weigh in with who will in the comments. Cause interacting is fun!

When is 17-8-6 not 17-8-6?

When you don't set your lineup correctly and David West is on your bench.

One of my biggest pet peeves in fantasy is not setting your lineup. Two or three times a year someone will "forget" to set their lineup and it irks the hell out of me.

Tonight though was different. Tonight was apathy and a general disinterest in ever being truly successful at fantasy basketball. It was a real amateur move. Ladies and gentlemen, the Weasel!

Allow me to explain. Early this week the reports out of New Orleans were that West was at best questionable for tonight's game. The Weasel though should have just benched Ron Artest -- seven game suspension to start the season -- and put West in. He had nothing to lose; we play daily transactions.

On the one hand I don't mind. I happen to be playing the Weasel this week. On the other hand general apathy can potentially destroy the delicate competitive balance we have in Best League Ever.

Unfortunately, the Weasel doesn't really care:

NeverWon: what the hell are you doing with your lineup
Weasel: what are you talking about
NeverWon: david west
Weasel: thought he wasnt playing
Weasel: you cant fault that
NeverWon: even so
NeverWon: why would you not put him in artest's spot
Weasel: ron artest
NeverWon: makes no sense
Weasel: forgot
NeverWon: disappointing
Weasel: oh well

Like The Misers say:

TheMISERS: i mean its disgusting
TheMISERS: it has to be a complete call out
TheMISERS: how hes not even close to our level
TheMISERS: and that football is a different game

Fantasy Basketball Observations from the 1st Half of the Michigan Game

So the Mighty Mullets and BTE skipped heading over to the worst bar in the world, the Fox and Hound in Philadelphia, for the Michigan game to instead watch at home and discuss fantasy basketball. Here are some of our observations and stories recalled from the first half:

Josh Brogan’s name is actually Paul Brogan (see this comment by The Mullets). To hype us up before meeting for the Michigan game, we watched his basketball rap video. Which is awesome.

The Mullets says he has watched the video at least 40 times. He has forced his wife to watch it twice. She was only more disturbed by Never Won’s camel toe.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Upon looking at the available crop of centers, we were scrolling through the names and Stromile Swift made me scream out loud. Mullets properly observed that I should use an old Never Won strategy (or is it a maneuver?) and “hedge my bet” by picking him up to pair with Darko Milicic. Too bad Slomile Shit is on my five-year banned list.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Speaking of good observations: “Look at the last five yards of this play, that’s the difference between mere mortals and Mario Manningham.” – Brain-dead announcer doing the Michigan game.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Misers made a distressing call late yesterday evening to pour his heart out to “the yin to his yang,” The Mullets. Here is a sampling of the quotes:

"Did you see Mike Conley is third string."

"I shouldn’t have taken Ben Wallace. He’s old now, I was nervous at the auction. After all of this preparation, my team is in trouble."

Finally he dropped the doozey, “Do you have any tips for me?” To which the Mighty Mullets replied something to the effect of “There is no way I’m helping you this year especially after last year when I told you the players I was interested in and you went and picked them up.”

For those who don’t recall this incident, this is a classic Misers dick move. He excused himself from the room quickly after this discussion with the Mullets under the ruse that he was going to check the news and slyly added Jason Richardson and Brevin Knight, both set to come back from injuries. He comes back into the room two minutes later with a scrooge look on his face declaring “I just made some moves!!” Dick, dick, dick.

Who Is That Masked Man?

Thoughts on a proposed logo?