Abracadabra, Bitch!

You are all about to become privy to a very rare occurrence. What follows has only previously been attempted in movies and in Weasel-y emails. I am going to attempt the reverse jinx by telling you all that I am about to jinx myself by bragging about my unmatched acumen for identifying waiver wire pickups. Don't try this at home. Here we go:

Nov 12 5:26pm Andres Nocioni (Chi - SF,PF) Add Free Agents Cardiff Giant

Nov 14 4:06pm Andres Nocioni is likely heading into the Bulls starting lineup and the move could come at the expense of Tyrus Thomas. (via Rotoworld)


Nov 14 10:15pm Sean Williams (NJ - C) Add Free Agents Cardiff Giant

Nov 16 11:22am Nets' rookie Sean Williams has been outstanding for them in his last two games and there is speculation that he could eventually start for the Nets. . . It's possible he could start tonight, but even if he plays well off the bench, it's time to move on him if you need a big man. (via Rotoworld)

Yes, thank you all very much. And please give a round of applause to my lovely assistant, Strawberry Banana. Strawberry, take a bow.

UPDATE: Email from Strawberry Banana: Mama Looch calls me from his DESK at work to ask me to pick up SEAN WILLIAMS off free agents…..he goes before i can say anything, I bet 1000 dollars Cardiff has already picked him up!!!

Questions of questions

As we prepare to make our partial league trip to the Izod Center to watch the Nets get crushed by yet another annoying and cocky Boston sports franschise, several questions swirl around inside my head:

- how many players can I pick up off the waiver wire that I will loath within the following 48 hours?

- when, oh god, will Chris Kaman's agreement with Satan expire?

- can I get The Flux to trade him to me in exchange for Plaxico Burress?

- is it weird that, as I type these words, Never Won is standing behind me pretending to hump my door in his boxers?

- why is my team so good and yours so bad?

Also, The Miser is wasted--WASTED!--and we haven't even left for the game yet. Thought the Weasel would enjoy that tidbit.

Signs your team may be in trouble #35

When your pre-season transactions look like this, and you still have Elton Brand, Wally World, and Luke Ridnour on your team:

Oct 26 10:53am Jason Williams (Mia - PG) Add Free Agents The Misers
Oct 26 10:53am Mike Conley Jr. (Mem - PG,SG) Drop The Misers Waivers
Oct 22 12:10am Corey Brewer (Min - SF,PF) Add Free Agents The Misers
Oct 22 12:10am Anthony Parker (Tor - SG,SF) Drop The Misers Waivers
Oct 17 9:19pm Mike Conley Jr. (Mem - PG,SG) Add Free Agents The Misers
Oct 17 9:19pm Delonte West (Sea - PG,SG) Drop The Misers Waivers