Abba Zabba you're my only friend

It saddens me on this fine Thanksgiving day after Thanksgiving to actually sit down and confront the loss of my favorite basketball player for a three-month span. That of course did not stop me from picking up Antonio Daniels immediately, cause fuck Poobie, that's why. While I will appreciate the finer things associated with AD as a starter, I am certain to miss the random antics of the man that respresents everything that's right in sports today. So in honor of your hero and mine:

Blogging is Bad For Your Health

Down goes Arenas! Down goes Arenas!



Surgery was performed this morning by team physician Dr. Martin Connell. Here is his assessment of the situation: "I repaired a partial tear of Gilbert's left meniscus. In addition he had a non-weight bearing articular surface defect in the tibia treated by microfracture. We are optimistic that he will be able to return to action in three months."

There is one major thing wrong with this statement: microfracture surgery doesn't equal three months. We can interpret this two ways.

1) There must be a new or different use for the surgical procedure known as microfracture. Since microfracture is actually an accurate description of what happens in the surgery, perhaps this method is used in other ways than the promotion of cartilage growth. If the part of the bone is non-weight bearing, maybe the recovery time is much shorter.

2) Gilbert is fucked. He had microfracture surgery on a very, very small area of his knee, but three months is extremely optimistic if it is indeed microfracture surgery in the sense we've come to know it.



Enjoy the Losers Bracket, Blue Balls. Perhaps you should have pulled the trigger on that Joe Johnson offer.



By the way, excellent premonition, Never Won. Wrong superstar, same result though.

Better Power Rankings

Brought to you by Fred "Ogre" Palowalski.


#1 - The Flux (3)
So far, so good. The Flux went with solid all-around guys like Marion and Rashard Lewis, and ranks no lower than 7th in any single category on the season. The Vinsane injury will hurt, but role players like Rondo and Kaman will ease the blow. Heck, Theo Ratliff is averaging 3.5 blocks. So far, this team is charmed.

#2 - Moop Resurrected (2)
Lots of points and rebounds, which is telling. I think this team remains strong throughout the season due to depth – an injury would not derail the Moop because he’s got back-ups at every position, including 3 workable C’s. RJ and Kmart are still tearing shit up. Still, it’s gonna take more than points and rebounds.

#3 - Mikey's Roofies (7)
OK, my team is awesome. There’s no point in being modest anymore.

#4 - Mighty Mullets (1)
Yi’s Drunk Midgets! No? How about Yi’s Drunk Mullets? I still like Danny Granger, and I see a big stretch coming up for Pau Gasol. Still, any manager that holds on to Zaza Pachulia through injury is questionable in my book.

#5 - Cardiff Giant (10)
A solid week from the Giant. However, if your only source of blocks is Brendan Haywood, you might be looking to upgrade at ‘C’.

#6 - Mama Looch (2)
First an up week, then a down week for Andrea B. Duncan, Bosh, and Okafor still look like the best set of C’s in Mr. League, though. Jason Terry should come back down to earth soon.

#7 - Blue Balls (6)
Has only one player averaging less than 13.5ppg (Tinsley). Still, it sounds like Agent Zero’s having some issues, he’ll need to come back strong to right this ship.

#8 - Loser's Row (8)
So far it’s almost a dead heat between Marbury and Josh Smith for asshole of the year.

#9 - The Misers (12)
I know it was a big week for the Mazoors, but I just can’t move up a team that has Wally, Udonis, Kyle Lowry, and Mike Dunleavy on its roster. Talk about a bunch of scrubs.

#10 - The Burning Sensation (9)
Sounds like Wade is close. Peja has proven that sometimes he doesn't suck.

#11 - Best Team Ever (11)
Garnett still dominates, but Iguodala averaging 5 TO’s? Ugh. Aldridge and Barbosa are good and improving, but this team leaves a lot to be desired.

#12 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (10)
The Ron Artest era begins now. We all know what Kobe does, but Kevin Durant is proving he will be a star in the league, and Shaq still has some tank left in the gas. Sign #64 your team might be in trouble: Joel Przybilla leads your squad in boards.

An Important Message from Agent Zero

From Gilbert Arenas's Blog:

Don't Put Me on Waivers
Have you seen my stats? For all my fantasy owners, do not give up on me yet. I know my three-point percentage is horrific right now – 1-for-17 – but I think the rims are broken around the league. David Stern, you need to look into fixing these arenas. But really, 1-for-17, I’m shooting worse than … I don’t know who to say without pissing somebody off. I’m just shooting really bad right now, but I’ll get the mojo back in a minute.

I found some humor/irony in the sentence "David Stern, you need to look into fixing these arenas."

Week 1 Positional Rankings

What the hell; how about some actual fantasy basketball analysis? I've been asked to rank players for the other fantasy basketball blog I write for (WARNING: shameless self-promo time), DroppingDimes.com, so I figured I'd share my rankings for Week 1. Unfortunately, the positions don't account for MPE and as a result they are a little limited and some players may be listed incorrectly (we're getting the kinks ironed out).

Regardless, here they are. Misers, take some notes and then plug them into your stolen spreadsheet. Enjoy.

WEEK 1

Games and Team

4 Utah Jazz

3 Chicago Bulls
3 Cleveland Cavaliers
3 Dallas Mavericks
3 Denver Nuggets
3 Detroit Pistons
3 Golden State Warriors
3 Houston Rockets
3 Indiana Pacers
3 Los Angeles Lakers
3 Miami Heat
3 Milwaukee Bucks
3 New Jersey Nets
3 New Orleans Hornets
3 Orlando Magic
3 Philadelphia 76ers
3 Phoenix Suns
3 Portland Trailblazers
3 Sacramento Kings
3 San Antonio Spurs
3 Seattle Supersonics
3 Toronto Raptors
3 Wahington Wizards

2 Atlanta Hawks
2 Boston Celtics
2 Charlotte Bobcats
2 Los Angeles Clippers
2 Memphis Grizzlies
2 Minnesota Timberwolves
2 New York Knicks

Point Guards

1 Deron Williams
2 Steve Nash
3 Chris Paul
4 Baron Davis
5 Chauncey Billups
6 Gilbert Arenas -- That knee isn't looking too good yet.
7 Allen Iverson
8 Kirk Hinrich
9 Jason Kidd
10 Maurice Williams
11 Tony Parker
12 Jameer Nelson
13 Andre Miller
14 Leandro Barbosa
15 Mike Bibby
16 T.J. Ford
17 Jamaal Tinsley
18 Larry Hughes
19 Jason Williams
20 Devin Harris
21 Raymond Felton
22 Rajon Rondo
23 Stephon Marbury
24 Chucky Atkins
25 Rafer Alston

Shooting Guards

1 Kobe Bryant
2 Tracy McGrady
3 Vince Carter
4 Kevin Martin
5 Michael Redd
6 Ronnie Brewer -- Seriously, dude has 4 games. Poobie, you shoulda kept both Brewers.
7 Brandon Roy
8 Manu Ginobli
9 Ben Gordon
10 Jason Richardson
11 Monta Ellis
12 Richard Hamilton
13 Joe Johnson
14 Ray Allen
15 Mike Miller
16 Jason Terry
17 Ricky Davis
18 Raja Bell
19 Mike Dunleavy
20 Wally Szczerbiak
21 Rashad McCants
22 Anthony Parker
23 Tony Allen
24 Quentin Richardson
25 Kyle Korver

Small Forwards

1 LeBron James
2 Andre Iguodala
3 Rashard Lewis
4 Carmelo Anthony
5 Caron Butler
6 Luol Deng
7 Josh Howard
8 Josh Smith
9 Gerald Wallace
10 Paul Pierce
11 Danny Granger
12 Andrei Kirilenko
13 Richard Jefferson
14 Boris Diaw -- So overrated. I think I put him here to torture myself.
15 Tayshaun Prince
16 Shane Battier
17 Corey Maggette
18 Rudy Gay
19 Peja Stojakovic
20 Kevin Durant
21 Luke Walton
22 Hedo Turkoglu
23 Grant Hill
24 Martell Webster
25 Jeff Green

Power Forwards

1 Dirk Nowitzki
2 Shawn Marion
3 Antawn Jamison
4 LaMarcus Aldridge
5 David West
6 Kevin Garnett
7 Rasheed Wallace
8 Lamar Odom
9 Al Harrington
10 Tyrus Thomas
11 Luis Scola
12 Zach Randolph
13 Chris Wilcox
14 Nene Hilario
15 Boris Diaw
16 Drew Gooden
17 Udonis Haslem
18 Charlie Villanueva
19 Nick Collison
20 Jason Smith
21 Channing Frye
22 Al Horford
23 Darko Milicic -- Get your head in the game, damn it!!
24 Al Thornton
25 Jason Maxiell

Centers

1 Carlos Boozer
2 Yao Ming
3 Amare Stoudemire
4 Dwight Howard
5 Chris Bosh
6 Marcus Camby
7 Jermaine O'Neal
8 Tim Duncan
9 Pau Gasol
10 Al Jefferson
11 Andris Biedrins
12 Mehmet Okur
13 Tyson Chandler
14 Andrea Bargnani
15 Zydrunas Ilguaskas
16 Emeka Okafor
17 Andrew Bogut
18 Brad Miller
19 Shaquille O'Neal
20 Ben Wallace
21 Andrew Bynum
22 Nenad Krstic
23 Antonio McDyess
24 Chris Kaman
25 Robert Swift -- That's for you Never Won!

Hummmm on deez nuts.