Power Rankings With a Twist

A new twist this week, just to keep things original – I am highlighting each team’s ‘best’ and ‘worst’ picks at the auction. This week's rankings are brought to you by Devastatin' Dave the Turntable Slave (say no to drugs!)

#1 - Moop Resurrected (2)
Best Pick: Richard Jefferson $4 – 24ppg is good for 8th in the league right now, and his percentages are strong. Kevin Martin has impressed as well, but Jefferson was an absolute steal.
Worst Pick: Jason Richardson $19 – right now he’s playing like a poor man’s Dick Jefferson, but he cost almost five times as much. His value so far comes from 3PT% and some steals, he’ll need to pick up his scoring and rebounding. His 56% from the line makes D Howard look good.

#2 - The Flux (1)
Best Pick: Chris Kaman $6 – so far the steal of the draft overall, Kaman has been beastly on the boards, grabbing over 13 per game. He’s also added scoring to his repertoire, and has greatly improved in blocks as well as FT. Yahoo ranks him as the 2nd best center so far this year. Honorable mention goes to Rashard Lewis, the most efficient scorer in the NBA.
Worst Pick: Samuel Dalembert $10 – for 4 straight seasons he’s been projected to take the step to the next level… and for 4 straight seasons he has disappointed.

#3 - Loser's Row (8)
Best Pick: Manu Ginobili $7 – Currently the 4th ranked player in Yahoo, Ginobili has improved almost every aspect of his game this year, while still averaging under 29 minutes. Generally one of the most overlooked fantasy players, Manu is beginning to turn some heads and should not be ignored.
Worst Pick: Stephon Marbury $5 – Another year of regression for 30-year-old Stephon, not to mention he’s also un-coachable. The Knicks need to learn a lesson from Marbury’s last 3 teams, get rid of him and you’re a playoff team!

#4 - Mikey's Roofies (3)
Best Pick: Marcus Camby $50 – Currently the top ranked center in Yahoo, it’s only a matter of time before he breaks a finger or a hip due to advanced, degenerative Marfan Syndrome.
Worst Pick: Raja Bell $2 – not a huge gamble, but frustrating injuries and shot selection have given him negative value in this league.

#5 - The Misers (9)
Best Pick: Andrei Kirilenko $14 – would have been Paul but for the injury, so by default Kirilenko becomes the Miser’s value pick. He’s stuffing the stat line once again – he ranks 3rd overall in the league with 2.8 blocks, and his 6.2 assists are 2nd best among forwards.
Worst Pick: Ben Wallace $14 – he’s starting to show some flashes, but the Bulls really need to start picking things up very soon. Big Ben is shooting 36% from the field and the free throw line.

#6 - Mama Looch (6)
Best Pick: Jason Terry $18 – His percentages have always been solid, but right now they’re almost tops in the league (besides Nash). He’s thriving in the bench role for Dallas, averaging a career high 20.4ppg.
Worst Pick: Andrea Bargnani $5 – looks like everyone’s auction sleeper isn’t quite ready to take that next step. I still predict a late-season surge from the gangly Roman, though.

#7 - Mighty Mullets (4)
Best Pick: Andrew Bynum $2 – Barely 20 years old and nearly averaging a double-double, there’s nowhere to go but up for this youngster. His situation can only get better because the bums he competes with for minutes (Mihm, Brown) will soon fade. Granger and Gay are both worth a mention here, too.
Worst Pick: Pau Gasol $71 – The wily Spaniard is trying to avoid career-lows in just about every statistical category with the Memphis offense operating at full Gay.

#8 - Cardiff Giant (5)
Best Pick: Brendan Haywood $3 – Looks like the injury to Etan Thomas makes Haywood a viable fantasy center for the first time ever. The 7th year veteran is no star, but he is finally getting consistent minutes for Washington, which is the difference.
Worst Pick: Marco Bellinelli $1 – funny name, but not yet ready for the big time.

#9 - Best Team Ever (11)
Best Pick: Leandro Barbosa $5 – Extra opportunities due to injuries have given him the chance to shoot the lights out in Phoenix. He should be starting alongside Nash, regardless of Raja Bell’s injury status.
Worst Pick: Andre Iguodala $59 – Still averaging 5+ turnovers, and he hasn’t improved his scoring ability from last season.

#10 - Blue Balls (7)
Best Pick: Ronnie Brewer – The reverse accidental pick turns out to be a gem for the Balls. Brewer is 2nd in the league in steals and shooting nearly 52%. Honorable mention to C-eligible Al Harrington, who is having a career year.
Worst Pick: Gilbert Arenas $82 – We didn’t know too much about his injury going into the auction, but now it’s looking like it will affect his performance. I really hope one of the league’s most exciting players can return to top form.

#11 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (12)
Best Pick: Shaquille O’Neal $3 – Still averaging 15 and 7 with nearly 2 blocks and great FG%, apparently the Diesel isn’t just running on fumes. His limited PT means he doesn’t hurt you in FT% or TO’s as much, either.
Worst Pick: Kevin Durant $36 – He’ll be great in at least one category this season – points. Unfortunately, his horrific percentages and turnovers more than negate his positive effect on our favorite Jew team.

#12 - The Burning Sensation (10)
Best Pick: Zydrunas Ilgauskas $5 – The 7-foot-3 Russkie has been sipping from the fountain of youth lately, averaging over 12 boards in his 10th season, having never averaged more than 9 for a season. He’s also playing more minutes than ever before, at age 32. Honorable mention to Al Jefferson, $43 is a steal for a 20 and 11 center.
Worst Pick: Channing Frye $4 – If you count Rasheed, TBS drafted 5 centers on auction day. Four of them are solid as hell, the 5th was a disaster, and was dropped on the first night of the season. Honorable mention to Hinrich and his atrocious shooting numbers, but I believe he will turn it around.

I hope you enjoyed the latest installment of Power Rankings. If you didn’t, well you can start your own Power Rankings, to try and piss me off. It’s not gonna help your team, though…

Better Power Rankings

Brought to you by Fred "Ogre" Palowalski.


#1 - The Flux (3)
So far, so good. The Flux went with solid all-around guys like Marion and Rashard Lewis, and ranks no lower than 7th in any single category on the season. The Vinsane injury will hurt, but role players like Rondo and Kaman will ease the blow. Heck, Theo Ratliff is averaging 3.5 blocks. So far, this team is charmed.

#2 - Moop Resurrected (2)
Lots of points and rebounds, which is telling. I think this team remains strong throughout the season due to depth – an injury would not derail the Moop because he’s got back-ups at every position, including 3 workable C’s. RJ and Kmart are still tearing shit up. Still, it’s gonna take more than points and rebounds.

#3 - Mikey's Roofies (7)
OK, my team is awesome. There’s no point in being modest anymore.

#4 - Mighty Mullets (1)
Yi’s Drunk Midgets! No? How about Yi’s Drunk Mullets? I still like Danny Granger, and I see a big stretch coming up for Pau Gasol. Still, any manager that holds on to Zaza Pachulia through injury is questionable in my book.

#5 - Cardiff Giant (10)
A solid week from the Giant. However, if your only source of blocks is Brendan Haywood, you might be looking to upgrade at ‘C’.

#6 - Mama Looch (2)
First an up week, then a down week for Andrea B. Duncan, Bosh, and Okafor still look like the best set of C’s in Mr. League, though. Jason Terry should come back down to earth soon.

#7 - Blue Balls (6)
Has only one player averaging less than 13.5ppg (Tinsley). Still, it sounds like Agent Zero’s having some issues, he’ll need to come back strong to right this ship.

#8 - Loser's Row (8)
So far it’s almost a dead heat between Marbury and Josh Smith for asshole of the year.

#9 - The Misers (12)
I know it was a big week for the Mazoors, but I just can’t move up a team that has Wally, Udonis, Kyle Lowry, and Mike Dunleavy on its roster. Talk about a bunch of scrubs.

#10 - The Burning Sensation (9)
Sounds like Wade is close. Peja has proven that sometimes he doesn't suck.

#11 - Best Team Ever (11)
Garnett still dominates, but Iguodala averaging 5 TO’s? Ugh. Aldridge and Barbosa are good and improving, but this team leaves a lot to be desired.

#12 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (10)
The Ron Artest era begins now. We all know what Kobe does, but Kevin Durant is proving he will be a star in the league, and Shaq still has some tank left in the gas. Sign #64 your team might be in trouble: Joel Przybilla leads your squad in boards.

Oh I'm sorry, I thought I was talking to a person

Just in case anyone was actually using The Misers Power Rankings as anything other than high comedy, allow me to breakdown the accuracy of his evaluations over the past three weeks. Not exactly sure what he means by "things are finally starting to settle down", but he can't possibly mean that he's starting to get a grasp on what the hell is going on in this league.

The Miser has altered his own team an average of 7.5 slots in each of the first two weeks (and his team name twice). He has changed Cardeef's (that's me) rank an average of 8.5 spots per week. And in total, has shifted team ranks an average of over FOUR spots every week, out of a possible eleven. Such clusterfuckery certainly does not fit my definition of "settling down", but remember that this is coming from the same man that made a point of telling me that he "really liked" my team Sunday night, only to rank them 9th come Monday morning. The same kid that could have a four hour argument with himself without realizing that he's not winning.

But if nothing else, at least we can credit him for going 5 and 1 in his predications, and not letting his own power rankingsgo to his head. Although someone should tell him that changing his team name back to The Misers does not mean his team is any less insignificant in the auction era.

Basically, I just wanted to say, keep up the good work.

THE MISERS POWER RANKINGS (WEEK 2)

Well I suck. That's not a surprise. But certainly the fact that four teams dropped out of my top six in the previous week's Power Rankings is. I also went 3-3 in my predications of this past week’s winners, which just goes to show you that I’m a terrible prognosticator who can’t (not hasn’t) adjust to the AUCTION ERA!!!!!

Without further ado, here are the Power Rankings after Week 1 as well as my predictions for the Week 2 winners.

Power Rankings:

1. The Flux
2. Cardiff Giant
3. mikey's roofies
4. Moop Resurrected
5. Mighty Mullets
6. TheBurningSensation
7. Blue Balls
8. MAMA LOOCH
9. Best Team Ever
10. Loser's ROW
11. AUCTION ERA
12. Yom Kippur at Joel's

Week 2 Winners:

AUCTION ERA vs. Mighty Mullets (Mighty Mullets)
mikey's roofies vs. TheBurningSensation (mikey’s roofies)
Best Team Ever vs. MAMA LOOCH (MAMA LOOCH)*
Loser's ROW vs. The Flux (The Flux)
Moop Resurrected vs. Yom Kippur at Joel’s (Moop Resurrected)
Cardiff Giant vs. Blue Balls (Cardiff Giant)

* Keep an eye on this week’s most entertaining matchup.

Mr. League Power Rankings - Week 1

Well… it's time for the Week 1 Mr. League Power Rankings. Here is where I analyze your teams, and then you all go and cry to your mommies like little pussies. Or else you just leave your comments below. Pussies.

#1 - Mighty Mullets (1)
There are certainly weaknesses on this team, but there’s no reason to drop them yet. Deron Williams led the way with a huge 4-game week. Danny Granger has finally exploded. The return of Richard Hamilton will only propel this team upward in the standings as the Mullets face a woeful AUCTION ERA Misers team in Week 2.

#2 - Moop Resurrected (4)
We all knew Dwight Howard was a beast, but middle-tier talent showed up this week as well. Richard Jefferson returned to fantasy relevance this week. Michael Redd looks healthy and hungry for meat. Kevin Martin is an established fantasy beast, and should be for years.

#3 - The Flux (5)
If Chris Kaman plays like this for a whole season, we have a contender here. Fortunately, that’s very unlikely, and it will probably take a big year from Rondo and Dalembert to keep the Flux on this side of the playoff fence. So far, so good.

#4 - Cardiff Giant (10)
The Giant dropped almost 550 points in a shortened week, but we all know Cardiff favors the ‘sexy’ categories, so this was no surprise. The balanced attack was impressive, though, for week 1. The ‘Big 5’ all showed why they’re worth precious auction dollars, but help was also found in Brendan Haywood, Diaw, and even Jason Mack-zilla

#5 - Mama Looch (2)
Bargnani looks good, but Charlie V really brings down those percentages. Jason Terry is sixth man of my balls. Which brings me to…

#6 - Blue Balls (6)
Value guards Ronnie Brewer and T.J. Ford look awesome. Where is Luol Deng? Chris Wilcox might have a good year, finally. I’ll say it again, the success of this team depends on the health of Jermaine O’Neal (and Crash Wallace)

#7 - Mikey's Roofies (8)
Marcus Camby looks like the reigning Defensive Player of the Year. Surprising contributions from Marvin Williams, Nick Collison, and my favorite player, Jamal Crawford.

#8 - Loser's Row (9)
Great pickup of John Salmons. Amare is ‘day-to-day’ with soreness in his knee. Uh-oh…

#9 - The Burning Sensation (3)
Needs Wade back desperately for assists and steals. Not sure who’s gonna help with 3pt% and FT%. Is Peja the key?

#10 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (11)
One more week without Artest. This team needs help in other categories, though, such as assists, and FT. Kobe is spectacular, but he can't carry the Lakers, or the Weaz, to a championship without some help.

#11 - Best Team Ever (7)
Garnett had his monster games, but this team lacks a steady source of assists and 3-point shooting. The other young big men on this team need to develop soon, and start putting up blocks and boards.

#12 - The Misers (12)
Well, Chris Paul looks great. The rest of this team, not too spectacular. Ben Wallace is an embarassment. The jury’s still out on Kirilenko. Should be a force in the loser’s bracket.

I hope you all have shitty luck this week! See you next Sunday.

Pre-Season Power Rankings

As I write this post, there is currently a banner ad on Best League Ever Blog that looks like this:

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Anyways, it's time for the pre-season Mr. League Power Rankings.

#1 - Mighty Mullets
Right now the Mullets have it all. Depth, youth, versatility, and a solid front court with Pau and Dirk. There are at least 4 guys on his team that should take it to the next level this season, especially Danny Granger. Nenad needs to remain healthy and continue to improve, because Zaza (Nenad lite) isn't scaring anyone, and Bynum is still looking pretty young. Thornton was a nice pickup that could help out in the scoring department. DK may be a crotchety old man, but his team is young and virile.

#2 - Mama Looch
Lots of depth up front, three top centers in Bosh, Duncan, and Okafor, as well as Bargnani who should start to show why he was #1 pick last year. Nene is the wild card, but could be big if he's healthy. The guards will be solid in %'s and scoring, but don't look for too many 100 dime weeks from Looch. Walter Hermann and Acie Law will soon be on the waiver wire. Still, the depth is there, and I like the strategy.

#3 - The Burning Sensation
Great auction value on Josh Howard, Caron Butler, and Al Jefferson. If Wade comes back and stays healthy, this team could be #1 with that core 4. Hinrich and Ilgauskas are solid mid-level players, and Bogut and Rasheed are certainly workable PFs. Can Peja revive his career? If so, we better watch out for The Clap.

#4 - Moop Resurrected
Depth, but no superstars. Dwight Howard went for too much, but still a lot of value here in Redd, KMart, Okur, Mo Williams. This team's success also hinges on the health of Richardson, Odom, Jefferson, etc. I'll believe in this strategy when I see it work, until then, I say you need a core.

#5 - The Flux
Believe in your core. This is why I have faith in The Flux this year. His big 4 is as good as anyone's (Marion, Rashard, Vince, Chauncey) but it drops off quite a bit there. Rondo should have a nice year, Kaman could bounce back with Brand out, but the rest is garbage. Still, I think The Flux is one or two shrewd waiver moves from contention.

#6 - Blue Balls
Arenas is sick, and still somehow underrated. Luol Deng has emerged as a solid contributor. Gerald Wallace is a fantasy monster when healthy. The problem with this team is Jermaine O'Neal, because I strongly question his durability and work ethic, but if he holds up, this is a playoff team.

#7 - Best Team Ever
Garnett is still solid, and makes a good core with Iguodala and Joe Johnson. That's about where it ends, though. There's some solid talent, but no proven stars. Aldridge should take a huge leap this year, though. He has to for Best Team Ever to have hope at repeating as Mr. League champ.

#8 - Mikey's Roofies
The loss of Bibby hurts, but LeBron and Nash will carry this team as usual. Watch for Jamal Crawford to have a career year in New York.

#9 - Loser's Row
Josh Smith and Amare are exciting players. Along with Pierce, the core three are solid, but injuries might be a concern with Chandler and Ginobili on the team as well.

#10 - Cardiff Giant
A solid core 5 (AI, Allen, Baron, T-Mac, Boozer) but again, not without an injury history. Diaw is having a decent pre-season, but the bottom 6 on this team is horrendous. No depth = no playoffs.

#11 - Yom Kippur at Joel's
If Ron Artest finds Jesus or something, maybe this team has a chance. As far as I know, Artest is still a mentally disturbed fuckwit, and he will explode at some point this season. Kidd was a good pick, but West and Durant went for too much. Kobe needs to have another MVP year for this team to have a chance.

#12 - The Misers
Yao is solid, as long as he's healthy. Ditto for Chris Paul. Carmelo was a steal! It's a fine core 3 strategy, but that's when things go sour. Ben Wallace, old and wealthy, is nursing injury. Roy has impending surgery. Kirilenko? Just a matter of time, my man. And then a bunch of plug-in nobody players... oh, and Elton Brand. The only prayer this team has is if Brand is this year's Pau Gasol. That's doesn't seem likely.

Alright, that's it for now. Best of luck to everyone, see you fuckers next week!