Roll Best League Ever

With Mr. League VIII right around the corner, it's time to bring back your favorite blog. Here are some news feeds from the Best League Ever:

The Misers won Mr. League VII. This pains the Mullets to no end so let's just move on.

The Misers threatened to move to Denver. Yeah, right, like that was actually going to happen. The net result of this threat? The Row and Cardeef were forced into an 8 month lease. Nice work.

The Auction is scheduled for October 24 and will once again be held in Stuytown. Thank God! Only one downside - David's Bagels on 14th and 1st closed. R.I.P.

Big news on the relationship front(s). BTE's one true girlfriend is getting married--not to BTE. Nevertheless, BTE has his first out-of-the-closet girlfriend since the knife-to-heart event drove BTE out of the West Village, off the island of Manhattan and back to the mean streets of Philly.

Elsewhere in Mr. League, Flux is engaged and Moop got hitched. Not to be outdone, of course, Moop's sidekick, The Burning Sensation (a/k/a Avoid the Clap), is getting married in a few weeks. [side note: Mrs. Burning Sensation is a distant cousin to JNF7777 -- I find this almost as compelling as the Miser's cousin marrying the White Kenny Smith]

Loser's Row and the Mullets are both shedding weight in order to continue to bring the heat late into the 4th Quarter of the Mr. League Auction (suck it, Mama Looch). Keeping Tier-1 status ain't easy.

Finally, the "Mighty" Mullets have officially been retired. Commencing with Mr. League VIII, "Maple's" Mullets will officially be open for Mr. League business.

ROLL BEST LEAGUE EVER.

Mr. League Power Rankings - Week 1

Well… it's time for the Week 1 Mr. League Power Rankings. Here is where I analyze your teams, and then you all go and cry to your mommies like little pussies. Or else you just leave your comments below. Pussies.

#1 - Mighty Mullets (1)
There are certainly weaknesses on this team, but there’s no reason to drop them yet. Deron Williams led the way with a huge 4-game week. Danny Granger has finally exploded. The return of Richard Hamilton will only propel this team upward in the standings as the Mullets face a woeful AUCTION ERA Misers team in Week 2.

#2 - Moop Resurrected (4)
We all knew Dwight Howard was a beast, but middle-tier talent showed up this week as well. Richard Jefferson returned to fantasy relevance this week. Michael Redd looks healthy and hungry for meat. Kevin Martin is an established fantasy beast, and should be for years.

#3 - The Flux (5)
If Chris Kaman plays like this for a whole season, we have a contender here. Fortunately, that’s very unlikely, and it will probably take a big year from Rondo and Dalembert to keep the Flux on this side of the playoff fence. So far, so good.

#4 - Cardiff Giant (10)
The Giant dropped almost 550 points in a shortened week, but we all know Cardiff favors the ‘sexy’ categories, so this was no surprise. The balanced attack was impressive, though, for week 1. The ‘Big 5’ all showed why they’re worth precious auction dollars, but help was also found in Brendan Haywood, Diaw, and even Jason Mack-zilla

#5 - Mama Looch (2)
Bargnani looks good, but Charlie V really brings down those percentages. Jason Terry is sixth man of my balls. Which brings me to…

#6 - Blue Balls (6)
Value guards Ronnie Brewer and T.J. Ford look awesome. Where is Luol Deng? Chris Wilcox might have a good year, finally. I’ll say it again, the success of this team depends on the health of Jermaine O’Neal (and Crash Wallace)

#7 - Mikey's Roofies (8)
Marcus Camby looks like the reigning Defensive Player of the Year. Surprising contributions from Marvin Williams, Nick Collison, and my favorite player, Jamal Crawford.

#8 - Loser's Row (9)
Great pickup of John Salmons. Amare is ‘day-to-day’ with soreness in his knee. Uh-oh…

#9 - The Burning Sensation (3)
Needs Wade back desperately for assists and steals. Not sure who’s gonna help with 3pt% and FT%. Is Peja the key?

#10 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (11)
One more week without Artest. This team needs help in other categories, though, such as assists, and FT. Kobe is spectacular, but he can't carry the Lakers, or the Weaz, to a championship without some help.

#11 - Best Team Ever (7)
Garnett had his monster games, but this team lacks a steady source of assists and 3-point shooting. The other young big men on this team need to develop soon, and start putting up blocks and boards.

#12 - The Misers (12)
Well, Chris Paul looks great. The rest of this team, not too spectacular. Ben Wallace is an embarassment. The jury’s still out on Kirilenko. Should be a force in the loser’s bracket.

I hope you all have shitty luck this week! See you next Sunday.

Martell Webster

8:27 in the First Quarter. BTE is packing the first bowl of the Mr. League VII season and declares that Martell Webster will be the first player picked up. My guess, Flux will pull the trigger. What do you think?

Live Blogging Opening Night

The Mullets and BTE have set our laptops up Battleship style -- back-to-back -- for some serious live blogging during tonight's opener. We are also considering doing a big old Mr. League IM chat room for all of us to share in the fun. Post a comment telling us of your plans of how you'll be celebrating tonight's festivities. Or email us if you have something you want included in the live blog.

Mikey's Roofies, why is my team so good and your team so bad? [Kirby laugh]

Now you're all in big, big trouble.

Let the date-rape begin.

Roofies '07-'08

YouTube Mr. League Group Created

As obsessive as this league is, we're all going stir-crazy eagerly anticipating the regular season tip off. We can't even watch preseason games since the dictators who contol League Pass have kept every preseason game off the air, save for the few games played in Europe. For that, we offer them a huge two-fisted middle finger salute.

So to pass the time and satiate our basketball fix, we've started emailing YouTube highlights of our players to each other. However, it's been quickly discovered that no one wants to just receive clips of another team's players (I'm looking at you NeverWon and your brand new Josh Smith infatuation. How is it even possible that you have never seen him play before?!? But that's a topic for another day).

To remedy the situation and encourage even more basketball watching among the league, I created a YouTube group for this league and blog entitled "Mr. League Fantasy Basketball." Catchy, right? I encourage all of you to join ASAP right here and begin posting clips that are:

1) Basketball highlights
2) Relevant to the league or we would all enjoy (no porn though, Moop)

Please try to limit the number of karaoke clips to less than one per day -- unless it's a Same Sex Meatloaf performance. The world needs more of that duo's karaoke goodness. Anwyay, let's try to have some fun with this.

And lastly, don't post the auction video. Bad things, man. Bad things.