It's called "Fantasy" for a reason

That's because all you do is click a few buttons on your computer and voila, your work is done. I'm pretty sure that this does not translate into being able to coach an NBA team, but that doesn't stop The Misers from reading an update on Rotoworld and thinking he could step into Nate McMillan's shoes.

Here's the update:

"I think we are going to change up a little bit going from here," Roy said. "I'm not going to say that I'm going to be the point guard. But I think I'll bring the ball up a little more and kind of get back in the role I was in last year, where I have the ball a little more and try to control the tempo a little more."

Roy regularly morphs into the Blazers' point guard in the fourth quarter during tight games, and the Blazers often excel, feeding off Roy's ability to drive the lane and score or drive the lane, draw extra defenders and dish to teammates for open shots. Some believe Roy is the Blazers' point guard of the future.

That's just how Nate McMillan, ummm, I mean TheMisers would handle things too:

i swear to god and im not just saying it. i really think that i could coach at the nba level. Loser's Row, for how many weeks have i been telling you that brandon roy needs the ball in his hands and should be running the offense as opposed to just standing in the corner behind the 3 point line waiting for steve blake to pass him the ball?

It's clear what is happening -- we have our first Fantasy GM to NBA Head Coach situation on our hands. I just hope that when TheMisers is calling the shots for a real NBA team he remembers the little people that helped him get there.

How Not to Blog

I am the king of not blogging.

This may seem oxymoronic (or just moronic) considering I started this blog and also write for another one – The Flux has a love/hate relationship with DroppingDimes.com – but it is 100 percent true. I like the idea of blogging. I often come up with ideas to write about. I help others with their blog posts. I have even made notes for a post on more than one occasion this week but for whatever reason, I don’t finish the post. This drives Never Won crazy to no end. Perhaps this is why I never post…

But as bad as I am by not blogging, there are others who are far worse because they do blog. Prime Example A is Orlando Sentinel reporter and Orlando Magic “blogger” – I use that term more loosely than Moop’s prick uses a Magnum condom – Brian Schmitz. You see, Schmitz has a "Magic Basketblog" that I used yesterday because it contained information on my PG Jameer Nelson. I was debating starting Nelson or Monta Ellis, who Don Nelson in his infinite senile wisdom decided to deem him the backup PG that day. That should last about as long as the 12th man on The Misers roster.



Anywho, this is what Schmitz wrote at 12:59 p.m.:

"Point guard Jameer Nelson will play, although his mouth is still sore after taking an elbow to the face from Bo Outlaw that knocked him a little silly."

Since this was the first mention of this incident on the entire internet, I figured it wasn't a big deal -- especially since he clearly states Jameeracle will play. As a result, after not seeing any new info by 6pm, I made my decision to go with the starter in Nelson and reserve Ellis for the evening and promptly went to dinner.

Upon arriving home fully satitated and partially intoxicated, I fired up StatTracker per the norm. To my surprise and quickly escalating hate, I was rudely greeted with the word "Bench" next to Nelson's name, which as most fantasy basketball players know is roughly equivolent to getting ass-raped by a baseball bat -- sideways. So not only was I forced to stare at Nelson's name on my starting roster, but I then couldn't fully enjoy watching Monta Ellis explode for 22 points (3-4 3PT), 6 boards, 3 steals and 2 blocks as he wallowed away on my bench. Now couple this with my opponent MAMA LOOCH suffering through what was easily the worst night of the season and begin to feel my frustration. (LOOCH, you should blog about Bosh, Okafor and Bargnani combining for 6 points, 12 rebounds, 1 block and 5 TOs.)

Not knowing how Nelson couldn't have played after reading Schmitz's blog, I checked it again looking for a late breaking update I might have missed between 6 and 6:55pm -- the last time I could make a substitution to my lineup in time for the 7pm game. This is what I saw:

"Magic point guard Jameer Nelson is suffering from concussion-like symptoms and will be held out of tonight's game against the Minnesota Timberwolves as a precaution. Nelson was inadvertently hit in the jaw by teammate Bo Outlaw in Monday's practice and woke up Tuesday with a slight headache. General Manager Otis Smith said the team made the game-time decision because Nelson had sustained a concussion 13 months ago in training camp in Jacksonville, colliding with teammate Dwight Howard in a scrimmage."

Post time: 7:11 pm.

Thanks for blogging, Schmuck, er, Schmitz. You're a real pro.

Wager of the Night

As is tradition in Mr. League, nothing is settled without raised voices, politically incorrect insults and a burning desire to rip out the other person's eyes and skull-fuck their head. So instead we often resort to bets to resolve our disputes. The anger instantly dissolves and is quickly replaced by all-knowing goofy grins and the inner-Jew greed, not for the idea of more money coming my way mind you, but as a vehicle for proving my fantasy basketball knowledge is superior to all others. Cause that's what life is all about, bro.

This morning, Never Won made a bold and incorrect proclamation (as is his norm) that he had the best lineup going tonight. Knowing I too had a fully, I instantly disagreed. Sniffing a chance to prove my superiority, I used the one word that guaranteed a bet would be forthcoming. See if you can spot the word. Here is the conversation and resulting wager:

Never Won: just look at my lineup tonight
best lineup going

BTE: aren't you proud?
way to jinx it
I would argue mine is stronger

Never Won: lemme check

BTE: but i see it's your top 8
i'm not sure if this is my top 8 or not
but i am so better

Never Won: 0 chance your 8 tonight is better than my 8

BTE: should we bet on it?
i will win 5 or more cats
i don't even remember who you have tonight and it doesn't matter
let's bet
pussy

Never Won: tonight?
i'm down
20 bucks
blog it

With the bet in place, it was time to spew more smack talk:

Never Won: YAAAA
you are so fucked

BTE: your overconfidence amuses me
you have no chance

Never Won: YOU HAVE NO SHOT
HAVE YOU SEEN MY LINEUP
i might get 100 rebounds tonight
new record

BTE: not a new record
my team isn't a slouch when it comes to rebounds. i do have the best rebounder in the league

Never Won: i have the best rebounder in the league!
i feel another bet coming on!

BTE: sorry bro
KG has proved it year after year
Chandler was second last year -- and you didn't even know it

Never Won: TRUE THAT BRO!
i knew the other top 5

BTE: if a guy so much as sneezes on my team, i know it


Pumpkin Head didn't even realize his player was top 5 in rebounding when asked by The Misers the other night...

The lineups:

Never Won:

PG Raymond Felton
SG Manu Ginobili
G Stephon Marbury
SF Josh Smith
PF David Lee
F Paul Pierce
C Amare Stoudemire
C Tyson Chandler

Best Team Ever:

PG Joe Johnson
SG Monta Ellis
G Leandro Barbosa
SF Andre Iguodala
PF Kevin Garnett
F Ike Diogu
C Andris Biedrins
C LaMarcus Aldridge

Weigh in with who will in the comments. Cause interacting is fun!

Week 2 Positional Rankings

Since the Week 1 Positional Rankings were such a success and led to three hits from Google Blog Search, and not because I'm required to fill out these rankings for my other fantasy basketball blog DroppingDimes.com, BTE presents the Week 2 Positional Rankings (even though some teams haven't played a game yet -- this intense motherfucker finally debuts tonight!!) .

Question of the day: How many Google Blog Search hits does this lead to? The over/under is set at 3.

Games:

4 Atlanta Hawks
4 Charlotte Bobcats
4 Cleveland Cavaliers
4 Denver Nuggets
4 Houston Rockets
4 Los Angeles Clippers
4 New Orleans Hornets
4 Orlando Magic
4 Phoenix Suns
4 San Antonio Spurs
4 Seattle Supersonics
4 Toronto Raptors

3 Boston Celtics
3 Chicago Bulls
3 Dallas Mavericks
3 Detroit Pistons
3 Indiana Pacers
3 Memphis Grizzlies
3 Miami Heat
3 Milwaukee Bucks
3 Minnesota Timberwolves
3 New Jersey Nets
3 New York Knicks
3 Philadelphia 76ers
3 Portland Trailblazers
3 Sacramento Kings
3 Utah Jazz
3 Wahington Wizards

2 Golden State Warriors
2 Los Angeles Lakers

Point Guards:

1 Steve Nash
2 Chris Paul
3 Gilbert Arenas
4 Deron Williams
5 Jason Kidd
6 Allen Iverson
7 Chauncey Billups
8 T.J. Ford
9 Earl Watson
10 Jameer Nelson
11 Leandro Barbosa
12 Raymond Felton
13 Kirk Hinrich
14 Tony Parker
15 Maurice Williams
16 Andre Miller
17 Jamaal Tinsley
18 Larry Hughes
19 Baron Davis
20 Stephon Marbury
21 Devin Harris
22 Jason Williams
23 Rajon Rondo
24 Sam Cassell
25 Rafer Alston

Shooting Guards:


1 Tracy McGrady
2 Vince Carter
3 Joe Johnson
4 Manu Ginobli
5 Jason Richardson
6 Kevin Martin
7 Michael Redd
8 Brandon Roy
9 Ray Allen
10 Kobe Bryant
11 Mike Miller
12 Jason Terry
13 Ben Gordon
14 Raja Bell
15 Ricky Davis
16 Anthony Parker
17 Richard Hamilton
18 Ronnie Brewer
19 Wally Szczerbiak
20 Kyle Korver
21 Mike Dunleavy
22 Morris Peterson
23 Jamal Crawford
24 Cuttino Mobley
25 Monta Ellis

Small Forwards:


1 LeBron James
2 Josh Smith
3 Rashard Lewis
4 Gerald Wallace
5 Corey Maggette
6 Andre Iguodala
7 Paul Pierce
8 Carmelo Anthony
9 Luol Deng
10 Caron Butler
11 Kevin Durant
12 Peja Stojakovic
13 Danny Granger
14 Andrei Kirilenko
15 Richard Jefferson
16 Hedo Turkoglu
17 Grant Hill
18 Tim Thomas
19 Rudy Gay
20 Josh Howard
21 Shane Battier
22 Jason Kapono
23 Josh Childress
24 Tayshaun Prince
25 Ruben Patterson

Power Forwards:


1 Kevin Garnett
2 Dirk Nowitzki
3 Shawn Marion
4 David West
5 LaMarcus Aldridge
6 Antawn Jamison
7 Chris Wilcox
8 Zach Randolph
9 Rasheed Wallace
10 Drew Gooden
11 Nick Collison
12 Al Horford
13 Boris Diaw
14 Darko Milicic
15 Tyrus Thomas
16 Al Thornton
17 Walter Herrmann
18 Al Harrington
19 Nene Hilario
20 Chuck Hayes
21 Marvin Williams
22 Udonis Haslem
23 Reggie Evans
24 Jason Maxiell
25 David Lee

Centers:

1 Yao Ming
2 Amare Stoudemire
3 Dwight Howard
4 Marcus Camby
5 Tim Duncan
6 Chris Bosh
7 Tyson Chandler
8 Pau Gasol
9 Al Jefferson
10 Carlos Boozer
11 Jermaine O'Neal
12 Andrea Bargnani
13 Emeka Okafor
14 Zydrunas Ilguaskas
15 Mehmet Okur
16 Brad Miller
17 Samuel Dalembert
18 Ben Wallace
19 Andrew Bogut
20 Chris Kaman
21 Shaquille O'Neal
22 Nenad Krstic
23 Andris Biedrins
24 Antonio McDyess
25 Andrew Bynum

Free base, it's in your neighborhood!

YouTube Mr. League Group Created

As obsessive as this league is, we're all going stir-crazy eagerly anticipating the regular season tip off. We can't even watch preseason games since the dictators who contol League Pass have kept every preseason game off the air, save for the few games played in Europe. For that, we offer them a huge two-fisted middle finger salute.

So to pass the time and satiate our basketball fix, we've started emailing YouTube highlights of our players to each other. However, it's been quickly discovered that no one wants to just receive clips of another team's players (I'm looking at you NeverWon and your brand new Josh Smith infatuation. How is it even possible that you have never seen him play before?!? But that's a topic for another day).

To remedy the situation and encourage even more basketball watching among the league, I created a YouTube group for this league and blog entitled "Mr. League Fantasy Basketball." Catchy, right? I encourage all of you to join ASAP right here and begin posting clips that are:

1) Basketball highlights
2) Relevant to the league or we would all enjoy (no porn though, Moop)

Please try to limit the number of karaoke clips to less than one per day -- unless it's a Same Sex Meatloaf performance. The world needs more of that duo's karaoke goodness. Anwyay, let's try to have some fun with this.

And lastly, don't post the auction video. Bad things, man. Bad things.