Another Convert to the Darko Side

As many of you are aware, there exists a rather large, totally inexplicable man-crush on one Darko Milicic by myself, Never Won and the Mullets. It often manifests itself in the form of excessive yelling and cursing at the TV for every Pistons/Magic/Grizzlies game Darko has ever played or in a series of morning emails between the aforementioned trio. We never could understand why most everyone else was so quick to label him a bust, when it was clear the talent was there but the coaches he played for and situations he played in were never condusive to his unique abilities (like cursing in a way that would make a sailor blush).

But now that he's in Memphis and there's a coach who understands him and let's him play his game, which involves posterizing the shit out of Tim Duncan, the man-crush is spreading quicker than a San Diego wildfire. What? Too soon?

Witness Memphis Grizzlies blogger Chris Herrington's post on Above The Rim

As for Darko: Is it too early to proclaim him the best center in Memphis Grizzlies history? The competition certainly isn’t stiff for that honor, but through three regular-season games, Darko is proving to be a wise free-agent acquisition. If his 15-point, 10-rebound, 2-block performance can become a regular occurrence — and clearly it can — then it will go a long way to making the Grizzlies a pretty good team this year.

Free Darko!

How Not to Blog

I am the king of not blogging.

This may seem oxymoronic (or just moronic) considering I started this blog and also write for another one – The Flux has a love/hate relationship with DroppingDimes.com – but it is 100 percent true. I like the idea of blogging. I often come up with ideas to write about. I help others with their blog posts. I have even made notes for a post on more than one occasion this week but for whatever reason, I don’t finish the post. This drives Never Won crazy to no end. Perhaps this is why I never post…

But as bad as I am by not blogging, there are others who are far worse because they do blog. Prime Example A is Orlando Sentinel reporter and Orlando Magic “blogger” – I use that term more loosely than Moop’s prick uses a Magnum condom – Brian Schmitz. You see, Schmitz has a "Magic Basketblog" that I used yesterday because it contained information on my PG Jameer Nelson. I was debating starting Nelson or Monta Ellis, who Don Nelson in his infinite senile wisdom decided to deem him the backup PG that day. That should last about as long as the 12th man on The Misers roster.



Anywho, this is what Schmitz wrote at 12:59 p.m.:

"Point guard Jameer Nelson will play, although his mouth is still sore after taking an elbow to the face from Bo Outlaw that knocked him a little silly."

Since this was the first mention of this incident on the entire internet, I figured it wasn't a big deal -- especially since he clearly states Jameeracle will play. As a result, after not seeing any new info by 6pm, I made my decision to go with the starter in Nelson and reserve Ellis for the evening and promptly went to dinner.

Upon arriving home fully satitated and partially intoxicated, I fired up StatTracker per the norm. To my surprise and quickly escalating hate, I was rudely greeted with the word "Bench" next to Nelson's name, which as most fantasy basketball players know is roughly equivolent to getting ass-raped by a baseball bat -- sideways. So not only was I forced to stare at Nelson's name on my starting roster, but I then couldn't fully enjoy watching Monta Ellis explode for 22 points (3-4 3PT), 6 boards, 3 steals and 2 blocks as he wallowed away on my bench. Now couple this with my opponent MAMA LOOCH suffering through what was easily the worst night of the season and begin to feel my frustration. (LOOCH, you should blog about Bosh, Okafor and Bargnani combining for 6 points, 12 rebounds, 1 block and 5 TOs.)

Not knowing how Nelson couldn't have played after reading Schmitz's blog, I checked it again looking for a late breaking update I might have missed between 6 and 6:55pm -- the last time I could make a substitution to my lineup in time for the 7pm game. This is what I saw:

"Magic point guard Jameer Nelson is suffering from concussion-like symptoms and will be held out of tonight's game against the Minnesota Timberwolves as a precaution. Nelson was inadvertently hit in the jaw by teammate Bo Outlaw in Monday's practice and woke up Tuesday with a slight headache. General Manager Otis Smith said the team made the game-time decision because Nelson had sustained a concussion 13 months ago in training camp in Jacksonville, colliding with teammate Dwight Howard in a scrimmage."

Post time: 7:11 pm.

Thanks for blogging, Schmuck, er, Schmitz. You're a real pro.

Wager of the Night

As is tradition in Mr. League, nothing is settled without raised voices, politically incorrect insults and a burning desire to rip out the other person's eyes and skull-fuck their head. So instead we often resort to bets to resolve our disputes. The anger instantly dissolves and is quickly replaced by all-knowing goofy grins and the inner-Jew greed, not for the idea of more money coming my way mind you, but as a vehicle for proving my fantasy basketball knowledge is superior to all others. Cause that's what life is all about, bro.

This morning, Never Won made a bold and incorrect proclamation (as is his norm) that he had the best lineup going tonight. Knowing I too had a fully, I instantly disagreed. Sniffing a chance to prove my superiority, I used the one word that guaranteed a bet would be forthcoming. See if you can spot the word. Here is the conversation and resulting wager:

Never Won: just look at my lineup tonight
best lineup going

BTE: aren't you proud?
way to jinx it
I would argue mine is stronger

Never Won: lemme check

BTE: but i see it's your top 8
i'm not sure if this is my top 8 or not
but i am so better

Never Won: 0 chance your 8 tonight is better than my 8

BTE: should we bet on it?
i will win 5 or more cats
i don't even remember who you have tonight and it doesn't matter
let's bet
pussy

Never Won: tonight?
i'm down
20 bucks
blog it

With the bet in place, it was time to spew more smack talk:

Never Won: YAAAA
you are so fucked

BTE: your overconfidence amuses me
you have no chance

Never Won: YOU HAVE NO SHOT
HAVE YOU SEEN MY LINEUP
i might get 100 rebounds tonight
new record

BTE: not a new record
my team isn't a slouch when it comes to rebounds. i do have the best rebounder in the league

Never Won: i have the best rebounder in the league!
i feel another bet coming on!

BTE: sorry bro
KG has proved it year after year
Chandler was second last year -- and you didn't even know it

Never Won: TRUE THAT BRO!
i knew the other top 5

BTE: if a guy so much as sneezes on my team, i know it


Pumpkin Head didn't even realize his player was top 5 in rebounding when asked by The Misers the other night...

The lineups:

Never Won:

PG Raymond Felton
SG Manu Ginobili
G Stephon Marbury
SF Josh Smith
PF David Lee
F Paul Pierce
C Amare Stoudemire
C Tyson Chandler

Best Team Ever:

PG Joe Johnson
SG Monta Ellis
G Leandro Barbosa
SF Andre Iguodala
PF Kevin Garnett
F Ike Diogu
C Andris Biedrins
C LaMarcus Aldridge

Weigh in with who will in the comments. Cause interacting is fun!

Week 2 Positional Rankings

Since the Week 1 Positional Rankings were such a success and led to three hits from Google Blog Search, and not because I'm required to fill out these rankings for my other fantasy basketball blog DroppingDimes.com, BTE presents the Week 2 Positional Rankings (even though some teams haven't played a game yet -- this intense motherfucker finally debuts tonight!!) .

Question of the day: How many Google Blog Search hits does this lead to? The over/under is set at 3.

Games:

4 Atlanta Hawks
4 Charlotte Bobcats
4 Cleveland Cavaliers
4 Denver Nuggets
4 Houston Rockets
4 Los Angeles Clippers
4 New Orleans Hornets
4 Orlando Magic
4 Phoenix Suns
4 San Antonio Spurs
4 Seattle Supersonics
4 Toronto Raptors

3 Boston Celtics
3 Chicago Bulls
3 Dallas Mavericks
3 Detroit Pistons
3 Indiana Pacers
3 Memphis Grizzlies
3 Miami Heat
3 Milwaukee Bucks
3 Minnesota Timberwolves
3 New Jersey Nets
3 New York Knicks
3 Philadelphia 76ers
3 Portland Trailblazers
3 Sacramento Kings
3 Utah Jazz
3 Wahington Wizards

2 Golden State Warriors
2 Los Angeles Lakers

Point Guards:

1 Steve Nash
2 Chris Paul
3 Gilbert Arenas
4 Deron Williams
5 Jason Kidd
6 Allen Iverson
7 Chauncey Billups
8 T.J. Ford
9 Earl Watson
10 Jameer Nelson
11 Leandro Barbosa
12 Raymond Felton
13 Kirk Hinrich
14 Tony Parker
15 Maurice Williams
16 Andre Miller
17 Jamaal Tinsley
18 Larry Hughes
19 Baron Davis
20 Stephon Marbury
21 Devin Harris
22 Jason Williams
23 Rajon Rondo
24 Sam Cassell
25 Rafer Alston

Shooting Guards:


1 Tracy McGrady
2 Vince Carter
3 Joe Johnson
4 Manu Ginobli
5 Jason Richardson
6 Kevin Martin
7 Michael Redd
8 Brandon Roy
9 Ray Allen
10 Kobe Bryant
11 Mike Miller
12 Jason Terry
13 Ben Gordon
14 Raja Bell
15 Ricky Davis
16 Anthony Parker
17 Richard Hamilton
18 Ronnie Brewer
19 Wally Szczerbiak
20 Kyle Korver
21 Mike Dunleavy
22 Morris Peterson
23 Jamal Crawford
24 Cuttino Mobley
25 Monta Ellis

Small Forwards:


1 LeBron James
2 Josh Smith
3 Rashard Lewis
4 Gerald Wallace
5 Corey Maggette
6 Andre Iguodala
7 Paul Pierce
8 Carmelo Anthony
9 Luol Deng
10 Caron Butler
11 Kevin Durant
12 Peja Stojakovic
13 Danny Granger
14 Andrei Kirilenko
15 Richard Jefferson
16 Hedo Turkoglu
17 Grant Hill
18 Tim Thomas
19 Rudy Gay
20 Josh Howard
21 Shane Battier
22 Jason Kapono
23 Josh Childress
24 Tayshaun Prince
25 Ruben Patterson

Power Forwards:


1 Kevin Garnett
2 Dirk Nowitzki
3 Shawn Marion
4 David West
5 LaMarcus Aldridge
6 Antawn Jamison
7 Chris Wilcox
8 Zach Randolph
9 Rasheed Wallace
10 Drew Gooden
11 Nick Collison
12 Al Horford
13 Boris Diaw
14 Darko Milicic
15 Tyrus Thomas
16 Al Thornton
17 Walter Herrmann
18 Al Harrington
19 Nene Hilario
20 Chuck Hayes
21 Marvin Williams
22 Udonis Haslem
23 Reggie Evans
24 Jason Maxiell
25 David Lee

Centers:

1 Yao Ming
2 Amare Stoudemire
3 Dwight Howard
4 Marcus Camby
5 Tim Duncan
6 Chris Bosh
7 Tyson Chandler
8 Pau Gasol
9 Al Jefferson
10 Carlos Boozer
11 Jermaine O'Neal
12 Andrea Bargnani
13 Emeka Okafor
14 Zydrunas Ilguaskas
15 Mehmet Okur
16 Brad Miller
17 Samuel Dalembert
18 Ben Wallace
19 Andrew Bogut
20 Chris Kaman
21 Shaquille O'Neal
22 Nenad Krstic
23 Andris Biedrins
24 Antonio McDyess
25 Andrew Bynum

Free base, it's in your neighborhood!

Martell Webster

8:27 in the First Quarter. BTE is packing the first bowl of the Mr. League VII season and declares that Martell Webster will be the first player picked up. My guess, Flux will pull the trigger. What do you think?

Live Blogging Opening Night

The Mullets and BTE have set our laptops up Battleship style -- back-to-back -- for some serious live blogging during tonight's opener. We are also considering doing a big old Mr. League IM chat room for all of us to share in the fun. Post a comment telling us of your plans of how you'll be celebrating tonight's festivities. Or email us if you have something you want included in the live blog.

Mikey's Roofies, why is my team so good and your team so bad? [Kirby laugh]

Fantasy Basketball Observations from the 1st Half of the Michigan Game

So the Mighty Mullets and BTE skipped heading over to the worst bar in the world, the Fox and Hound in Philadelphia, for the Michigan game to instead watch at home and discuss fantasy basketball. Here are some of our observations and stories recalled from the first half:

Josh Brogan’s name is actually Paul Brogan (see this comment by The Mullets). To hype us up before meeting for the Michigan game, we watched his basketball rap video. Which is awesome.

The Mullets says he has watched the video at least 40 times. He has forced his wife to watch it twice. She was only more disturbed by Never Won’s camel toe.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Upon looking at the available crop of centers, we were scrolling through the names and Stromile Swift made me scream out loud. Mullets properly observed that I should use an old Never Won strategy (or is it a maneuver?) and “hedge my bet” by picking him up to pair with Darko Milicic. Too bad Slomile Shit is on my five-year banned list.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Speaking of good observations: “Look at the last five yards of this play, that’s the difference between mere mortals and Mario Manningham.” – Brain-dead announcer doing the Michigan game.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Misers made a distressing call late yesterday evening to pour his heart out to “the yin to his yang,” The Mullets. Here is a sampling of the quotes:

"Did you see Mike Conley is third string."

"I shouldn’t have taken Ben Wallace. He’s old now, I was nervous at the auction. After all of this preparation, my team is in trouble."

Finally he dropped the doozey, “Do you have any tips for me?” To which the Mighty Mullets replied something to the effect of “There is no way I’m helping you this year especially after last year when I told you the players I was interested in and you went and picked them up.”

For those who don’t recall this incident, this is a classic Misers dick move. He excused himself from the room quickly after this discussion with the Mullets under the ruse that he was going to check the news and slyly added Jason Richardson and Brevin Knight, both set to come back from injuries. He comes back into the room two minutes later with a scrooge look on his face declaring “I just made some moves!!” Dick, dick, dick.

YouTube Mr. League Group Created

As obsessive as this league is, we're all going stir-crazy eagerly anticipating the regular season tip off. We can't even watch preseason games since the dictators who contol League Pass have kept every preseason game off the air, save for the few games played in Europe. For that, we offer them a huge two-fisted middle finger salute.

So to pass the time and satiate our basketball fix, we've started emailing YouTube highlights of our players to each other. However, it's been quickly discovered that no one wants to just receive clips of another team's players (I'm looking at you NeverWon and your brand new Josh Smith infatuation. How is it even possible that you have never seen him play before?!? But that's a topic for another day).

To remedy the situation and encourage even more basketball watching among the league, I created a YouTube group for this league and blog entitled "Mr. League Fantasy Basketball." Catchy, right? I encourage all of you to join ASAP right here and begin posting clips that are:

1) Basketball highlights
2) Relevant to the league or we would all enjoy (no porn though, Moop)

Please try to limit the number of karaoke clips to less than one per day -- unless it's a Same Sex Meatloaf performance. The world needs more of that duo's karaoke goodness. Anwyay, let's try to have some fun with this.

And lastly, don't post the auction video. Bad things, man. Bad things.