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This one's for you, Misers. I anxiously await our week 6 match-up.

SHEED

Welcome Freshmen

With Mr. League entering its 8th season this fall, it seems like things have settled in a bit. We haven't really had any major rule changes in several years (except maybe transaction fees), payouts haven't changed, and The Auction is becoming a mainstay.

However, Mr. League VIII will look much different than past years, because a new manager has accepted the challenge to compete in the greatest fantasy league ever to make it past college. Zachary B. Cohen is the newest member of the league, and will be participating in the 4th annual Auction at Stuy Town October 25th, bringing with him the wide-eyed enthusiasm and naivete of a Mr. League virgin.

Welcome, young Zachary. I wish you luck in your inaugural season. But not too much luck.

It is with a heavy heart, however, that I offer this welcome. Yes, Moop will be sorely missed. Rarely does one find a worthier adversary.

Anyways, here's to new beginnings!

Roll Best League Ever

With Mr. League VIII right around the corner, it's time to bring back your favorite blog. Here are some news feeds from the Best League Ever:

The Misers won Mr. League VII. This pains the Mullets to no end so let's just move on.

The Misers threatened to move to Denver. Yeah, right, like that was actually going to happen. The net result of this threat? The Row and Cardeef were forced into an 8 month lease. Nice work.

The Auction is scheduled for October 24 and will once again be held in Stuytown. Thank God! Only one downside - David's Bagels on 14th and 1st closed. R.I.P.

Big news on the relationship front(s). BTE's one true girlfriend is getting married--not to BTE. Nevertheless, BTE has his first out-of-the-closet girlfriend since the knife-to-heart event drove BTE out of the West Village, off the island of Manhattan and back to the mean streets of Philly.

Elsewhere in Mr. League, Flux is engaged and Moop got hitched. Not to be outdone, of course, Moop's sidekick, The Burning Sensation (a/k/a Avoid the Clap), is getting married in a few weeks. [side note: Mrs. Burning Sensation is a distant cousin to JNF7777 -- I find this almost as compelling as the Miser's cousin marrying the White Kenny Smith]

Loser's Row and the Mullets are both shedding weight in order to continue to bring the heat late into the 4th Quarter of the Mr. League Auction (suck it, Mama Looch). Keeping Tier-1 status ain't easy.

Finally, the "Mighty" Mullets have officially been retired. Commencing with Mr. League VIII, "Maple's" Mullets will officially be open for Mr. League business.

ROLL BEST LEAGUE EVER.

A Moment in Mullet Time

3:39 am: The Mullets are awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep because they have some cocktail of SARS/Bird Flu/Mad Cow. The Mullet are sitting on the can having cold farts but unable to poop. Why did Mike Bibby go 1-11? Why? Why?

The Return of the Best League Ever

Miser!!! Welcome back to the blog, brother! I look forward to your next power rankings.

Shout out to the Mullets!

What I Learned In School

Kudos to Loser's Row for teaching me that just when you think you've finally passed the point of no return for being utterly pathetic when it comes to fantasy basketball, think again.

I was on my way home from a fascinating mortgage banker's convention in Orlando, which was also attended by The Flux might I add, when I frantically reached for my Blackberry to check for updates on the Terrelle Pryor signing.

I was more pleased, however, to discover this incredible email exchange between the Seattle Times beat reporter and our own Loser's Row.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Loser's Row
Sent: Wed 2/6/2008 8:11 AM
To: Jayda Evans
Subject: Kurt Thomas

Any update on Kurt Thomas? Didn't see it in this article...

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/sonics/2004166688_soni06.html?synd
ication=rss

Thanks!
Loser's Row
-----Original Message-----
From: Jayda Evans [mailto:jevans@seattletimes.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 06, 2008 11:17 AM
To: Loser's Row
Subject: RE: Kurt Thomas

Thanks for reading. That's my bad, I didn't update his injury. Kurt did
not practice on Tuesday because of the scratched right eye, but said on
Monday that he should be fine by today. We'll know more by game-time.
Thanks, again, for reading and I apologize for leaving that information
out. Take care...Jayda Evans

________________________________

How pathetic! Of course this got me to thinking:


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: The Misers
Sent: Sun 2/10/2008 11:25 AM
To: jonathan.abrams@latimes.com
Subject: Elton Brand

Jonathan-

Do you have an update on how Brand's progressing at all? We haven't heard anything in a little while and I suspect that fantasy bball fanatics such as myself are getting a little anxious with the playoffs quickly approaching. How is his rehab going since he was cleared for more strenuous running and jumping? Is he practicing? Does he look good? Is there a timetable set yet? I'd sincerely appreciate a brief update on his progress if you have one. Thanks a lot.

Regards,
The Misers

-----Original Message-----
From: Abrams, Jonathan [mailto:Jonathan.Abrams@latimes.com]
Sent: Sunday, February 10, 2008 6:21 PM
To: The Misers
Subject: RE: Elton Brand

I should have an update once they return from the road, before the all-star break.

______________________________

If YKJ Blogged...

We're back folks. With the playoffs rapidly approaching I thought it was an opportune time to get things back up and running on here...that is until Chad completely takes it over again.

Here is the highlight of my day, which was provided by Yom Kippur at Joel's:

Bone315: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3241444
Bone315: love this story
Bone315: classic
Bone315: http://deadspin.com/354954/our-brief-conversation-with-the-guy-releasing-all-the-berman-videos
Bone315: have you seen this
Bone315: the berman video
Bone315: watch this
Bone315: and write me
Bone315: dont ignore me
Bone315: http://freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080211/SPORTS06/80211066/1048
Bone315: GOT IT
Bone315: RICH ROD
Bone315: CRYING
Bone315: god im hitting you with great shit tonight
Bone315: your welcome for this all
Bone315: skate to the neck is still the best
Bone315: ever
Bone315: so sad

Another one of those things that just makes me smile

12/5 The Misers (Add/Drops) changed from 'unlock' to 'lock'

Let's try this one more time...

After a couple of requests and another wasted day, I think I resolved some of the issues from the last video. Also added some new spots.

C'mon people, let's focus

There seems to be some growing momentum behind the "let's-get-some-more-reliable-stats-in-the-box-score" movement. In this Cnnsi.com column, Steve Aschburner talks about how box scores haven't really changed in the last 50 years despite coaches, behind the scenes, having some new ways of looking at their player's productivity (or lack thereof).

Aschburner talks about the addition of the "Blocked Attempt" to the NBA.com box score and dredges up the usual fans of the "Hockey Assist."

He also brings up an interesting concept -- "statistical symmetry", i.e. if you record blocks, you should record blocked attempts.

Which also means if you record assists YOU SHOULD RECORD BLOWN ASSISTS. It's not that hard people!

Where a waste of time happens.

I'm more than a little perturbed because I spent the better part of an otherwise worthless day putting this together, and it pretty much looks like crap. I don't even know if you can read the words, but I'll be damned if I'm just going to trash it. So here, blow me.

UPDATE: For a breakdown of the commercial photos, click here

It's called "Fantasy" for a reason

That's because all you do is click a few buttons on your computer and voila, your work is done. I'm pretty sure that this does not translate into being able to coach an NBA team, but that doesn't stop The Misers from reading an update on Rotoworld and thinking he could step into Nate McMillan's shoes.

Here's the update:

"I think we are going to change up a little bit going from here," Roy said. "I'm not going to say that I'm going to be the point guard. But I think I'll bring the ball up a little more and kind of get back in the role I was in last year, where I have the ball a little more and try to control the tempo a little more."

Roy regularly morphs into the Blazers' point guard in the fourth quarter during tight games, and the Blazers often excel, feeding off Roy's ability to drive the lane and score or drive the lane, draw extra defenders and dish to teammates for open shots. Some believe Roy is the Blazers' point guard of the future.

That's just how Nate McMillan, ummm, I mean TheMisers would handle things too:

i swear to god and im not just saying it. i really think that i could coach at the nba level. Loser's Row, for how many weeks have i been telling you that brandon roy needs the ball in his hands and should be running the offense as opposed to just standing in the corner behind the 3 point line waiting for steve blake to pass him the ball?

It's clear what is happening -- we have our first Fantasy GM to NBA Head Coach situation on our hands. I just hope that when TheMisers is calling the shots for a real NBA team he remembers the little people that helped him get there.

When I come home to see the espnhd replay at 4:30am and see this...

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/recap?gid=2007113026

I got excited.

Trade Analysis

Let's go up to booth for some further review on this one.

The participants:

The Burning Sensation receives:

Ed Curry, C
Ray Allen, SG

Cardiff Giant receives:

Zydrunas, C
Stephen "Motherfucker" Jackson, GF

League-wide sentiment seems to be mixed. TheMisers and the Mighty Mullets put a check mark in TBS' box. Loser's Row and Best Team Ever like this trade for Cardiff.

Poobie is busy buying Dixie cups by the pallet and can't be bothered.

Here are some choice lines culled from email that help explain further:

"Exchanging a cancer like Curry for a cancer like Jackson is still just cancer." -- Mighty Mullets. A fair point.

"Captain Jack is a lot better than people realize." -- Best Team Ever

Here's how I break it down: Ray Allen was superfluous to Cardiff giant -- guard heavy (Baron, Iverson, T-Mac), solid in points and assists. Cardeef was clearly lacking at the C spot with Diaw, Haywood, Sean Williams, previously Curry, and Boozer -- a 3-category PF with C eligibility.

Cardeef makes a huge improvement in his C spot which is always difficult to do. Like in any trade you've got to give to get so he had to take on some pretty atrocious percentages from a real jacker like Stephen Jackson but he makes it up with his nice rebounding, assists, and steals which strengthens already strong cats for Cardeef.

I don't really understand this trade from TBS' side. Why weaken yourself at C in exchange for Ray Allen when you've already got a strong SG lineup -- D. Wade, Josh Howard, and formerly Stephen Jackson?

But like we always say, every trade needs two willing partners. And we know there's no more willing a partner to trade with Cardiff then his old friend The Burning Sensation.

Typical Liberal Media Bullshit

After my weeks of barking and chest-puffing, I finally sealed the first deal of the season. I would like to thank my trading partner TBS, as well as the other folks who helped me along the way. I could not have gotten a real Center without you. I'd also like to thank Jesus, for whom all praise is due.

However, despite all the joy and back-patting and dick-sucking, there is one thorn in my side that I'd like to let breathe.

Email to Cardeef from Never Won (prior to trade):
"If [TBS] accepts [that] trade I’ll fly to Chicago and kill him."

Email to The Miser from Never Won (after the trade):
"And there goes TBS, just running his fucking team the way it wants to be run. Unreal."

Can someone tell me what in the hell is going on there?

What A Beautiful Mind

Many people, places and things annoy the crap out of me. Few put a smile on my face. One thing that performed the latter occurred last night during the Kings-Warriors game.

Ron Artest got fouled hard on his way to the hoop by none other than his crazy Wonder-Twin-activate-form-of-.44-magnum, Steven Jackson. As Artest eerily approached the foul line and took three solid dribbles, a graphic flashed up on the screen next to his viscious scowl.

RON ARTEST
Nickname: "Ron-Ron"
College: St. John's
Major: Mathematics

Terrified. Mortified. Petrified. Stupefied... by you.

Post-Thanksgiving Power Rankings

I hope you all had a good holiday. I’ll try and keep these short:

#1 - Moop Resurrected (1)
Good: Just about everyone is playing strong except for
Bad: Odom, Randolph, Okur, Richardson

#2 - Mikey's Roofies (4)
Good: Big 3, Udrih
Bad: Bell, Collison, Perkins, JC

#3 - Loser's Row (2)
Good: Josh Smith, Ginobili
Bad: Stro Swift, Josh Smith

#4 - Cardiff Giant (8)
Good: Best 1 thru 5 in Mr. League
Bad: Worst 7 thru 12

#5 - The Flux (2)
Good: Kaman, Damien Wilkins
Bad: Dalembert, Vince, Theo Ratliff

#6 - Mama Looch (6)
Good: Duncan, Terry, Calderon
Bad: Andre Miller, Villanueva, Law IV

#7 - The Misers (5)
Good: Chris Paul, Kirilenko
Bad: Ben Wallace

#8 - Best Team Ever (9)
Good: Garnett, Barbosa, Joe Johnson
Bad: Iguodala, Darko

#9 - The Burning Sensation (12)
Good: Stephen Jackson, Al Jefferson, C Butler
Bad: Hinrich, that’s about it

#10 - Mighty Mullets (7)
Good: Deron Williams, Bynum, Granger
Bad: Nenad, Gasol, Yi

#11 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (11)
Good: Shaq, Kobe, Kidd, Artest?
Bad: Przybilla, Ty Thomas, KD? (Artest?)

#12 - Blue Balls (10)
Good: Brewer, Harrington
Bad: Gil and several other injuries

That’s it. More next week.

Well then...

I think we'd all agree, it's time for a new robe:

If you're going to cry, cry on the inside.

Life as a Josh Smith owner is like that Coldplay song.

Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard.

On the one hand, there's the 3.7 blocks, 1.9 steals, 7.3 rebounds, and 17.5 points a game. Plus he was just given PF eligibility in our Yahoo! league.

On the other hand, the hand bloodied, bruised, and battered from abusing your over-sized dome, there's the 36.9% field goal percentage (on almost 15 shots a game), the 20% 3pt% and the 74.5% FT% (which is actually a career high).

He has games this year of 13-22 FG, 6-10 FG, 6-12 FG, and 5-9 FG. Those are "balanced" by 2-14, 4-17, 3-16, 3-13, 6-14, 4-17 (again), and 5-16 field goal nights.

I watched last night to see what the problem is.

Here's my diagnosis: HE CAN'T SHOOT. AT ALL. He has two shots in his repertoire -- a long-range jumper that almost always clanks off the back rim and a running, left-handed, half hook shot. That's it. No put-backs, no mid-range game, nothing.

But I love him still. I'm like a battered woman. For Christmas I'm getting him this instructional DVD:




I'd get him "Scoring without the Ball" but there's no way he's ready for that.

Eat Your Words

Classic Cardeef. Puff the chest, drop an F-Bomb and accuse everyone else for not "manning up."

Cardeef proposed trading his AI and Sean Williams for my Dirk and Pau.

Honestly, if Cardeef is tired of being "good on paper," he should come up with a better proposal.