Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Better Power Rankings

Brought to you by Fred "Ogre" Palowalski.

#1 - The Flux (3)
So far, so good. The Flux went with solid all-around guys like Marion and Rashard Lewis, and ranks no lower than 7th in any single category on the season. The Vinsane injury will hurt, but role players like Rondo and Kaman will ease the blow. Heck, Theo Ratliff is averaging 3.5 blocks. So far, this team is charmed.

#2 - Moop Resurrected (2)
Lots of points and rebounds, which is telling. I think this team remains strong throughout the season due to depth – an injury would not derail the Moop because he’s got back-ups at every position, including 3 workable C’s. RJ and Kmart are still tearing shit up. Still, it’s gonna take more than points and rebounds.

#3 - Mikey's Roofies (7)
OK, my team is awesome. There’s no point in being modest anymore.

#4 - Mighty Mullets (1)
Yi’s Drunk Midgets! No? How about Yi’s Drunk Mullets? I still like Danny Granger, and I see a big stretch coming up for Pau Gasol. Still, any manager that holds on to Zaza Pachulia through injury is questionable in my book.

#5 - Cardiff Giant (10)
A solid week from the Giant. However, if your only source of blocks is Brendan Haywood, you might be looking to upgrade at ‘C’.

#6 - Mama Looch (2)
First an up week, then a down week for Andrea B. Duncan, Bosh, and Okafor still look like the best set of C’s in Mr. League, though. Jason Terry should come back down to earth soon.

#7 - Blue Balls (6)
Has only one player averaging less than 13.5ppg (Tinsley). Still, it sounds like Agent Zero’s having some issues, he’ll need to come back strong to right this ship.

#8 - Loser's Row (8)
So far it’s almost a dead heat between Marbury and Josh Smith for asshole of the year.

#9 - The Misers (12)
I know it was a big week for the Mazoors, but I just can’t move up a team that has Wally, Udonis, Kyle Lowry, and Mike Dunleavy on its roster. Talk about a bunch of scrubs.

#10 - The Burning Sensation (9)
Sounds like Wade is close. Peja has proven that sometimes he doesn't suck.

#11 - Best Team Ever (11)
Garnett still dominates, but Iguodala averaging 5 TO’s? Ugh. Aldridge and Barbosa are good and improving, but this team leaves a lot to be desired.

#12 - Yom Kippur at Joel's (10)
The Ron Artest era begins now. We all know what Kobe does, but Kevin Durant is proving he will be a star in the league, and Shaq still has some tank left in the gas. Sign #64 your team might be in trouble: Joel Przybilla leads your squad in boards.


Cardiff Giant said...

MY GOD!!! If you could hear Miser and Never Won complaining about these rankings right now you would DIE!!!!

Cardiff Giant said...

Miser: "He must be drinkin', uh . . . I don't know what he's drinkin', but he's drinkin' something."