Does anyone have a Band-Aid for this enormous fucking boo-boo?

Few things in this short life permit a moment of absolute happiness. Not partial joy or glee, but rather a totally objective sense of elation. Discovering a lootcake of hundred-dollar bills sitting on the sidewalk? Maybe. Anonymous sex with a ridiculously hot and naughty chick? Perhaps. Watching The Misers weep about an 8-1 loss to The Flux? Well, that, my friends, is absolute fucking happiness.